im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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