just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
