I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize