I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
