before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
