I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
These tits shall not be calmed
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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