I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
