Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize