Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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