alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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