Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
