At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
