so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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