OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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