I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
