WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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