When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
