you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
