I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
