so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
