Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize