And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You left your phone here
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