Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
