I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
