saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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