This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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