Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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