So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
