Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize