I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
