Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
