I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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