We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize