Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
