Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize