Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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