i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
farters have to be the big spoon...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
