I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i will never coherently bang her
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
