wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
