Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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