no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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