My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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