but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
