dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Randomize
