Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
