Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
