so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My dick has a subreddit
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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