no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
