1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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