My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
