I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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