go do what you do best...puke behind churches
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
