i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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