Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
