I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
