Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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