I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
