Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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