Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Everyone says I win the strip club
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
