oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
