Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
