just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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