Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
