Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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