sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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