I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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