Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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