i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
