i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm like, not good at living.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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