I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Houston, we have a squirter
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
