my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
