it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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