so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
