So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
